Grief and Glowing

The Exodus story of Moses spending so much time with God in the Tent of Meeting that his face glowed intrigues me. Wouldn’t it be marvelous if my face shined from time with God? Oh, but it does. God has reminded me of the times in my life when I have been most present with Him: Times of grief. Fear. Pain. Tears. Anguish and despair. Times of bittersweet letting go, and times of ache and confusion. God granted me these glimpses as a reminder of this truth: the more heartache I have in my life, the more time I spend with Him. I tell God how I’d love to glow for Him, yet I know that spending time with Him hasn’t always been a natural response for me when things are going well in my life. I’ve gotten to know God best through anguish and raw vulnerability. Approaching Him again and wanting to glow from my time with Him means there may be pain involved, too. Am I okay with this? My human response tells me to run screaming and bury myself in a safe cave where Nobody. Can. Hurt. Me. But my spiritual self, the one that trusts in my Daddy’s love, says that nothing can harm me when He stands beside me. He wins, period. And because I’m His, I win, too. Maybe the shine on Moses’ face was there because his face was wet with tears. Maybe the tears were from pain, but what if they were the tears that escaped his eyes when he sat with his Best Friend in the holiness?

“As Moses was speaking, the Israelites could see that the skin on his face was all aglow. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until the next time he went to speak with God.” (Exodus 34:35 The Voice)